Your boss wants you to deliver feedback to someone. But because the feedback is from a third source and you don't have the specifics, and because others higher up are involved, you've got to persuade your boss to see this situation differently before it becomes a political mishap for both of you. Here's how.

The Situation

You and your manager, Sam, were in a meeting of about 15 people the other day with Maggie, a senior manager who is a peer of yours. And while both you and Sam thought that Maggie's presentation was spot on, Delia, a senior director who was at that meeting, didn't, and mentioned it in yet another forum that Sam was at later that same day.

An internal client of Maggie's was also in that later forum, and after hearing the negative comments from Delia about Maggie, he became upset thinking that Maggie might not be the right person for his project.

Your manager, Sam, wants you to give feedback to Maggie about toning down her communication style in meetings, even though both you and Sam saw nothing wrong with it. You're wondering what you should tell Maggie and how you should do it. Oh, and Maggie doesn't report to Sam, but she is someone who runs projects with you and reports to Sam's counterpart in another department.

What We Suggest

First of all, thanks to those of you who commented on the blog. Great input!

This is a political situation that you'd want to think carefully about before getting involved in. It's unwise to give second-hand feedback to someone, especially when that person doesn't report to you, and when you have no specifics for them other than to "tone down" their communication style.

Your going dirctly to Delia to get more information about Maggie's presentation style would not be politically smart because you weren't in the room when Delia made her comments so it might seem odd to Delia that you're even asking her about this. Also, because you are two levels below her (she's a senior director and you are a senior manager), she likely won't want to have to answer to you. If you were going to have a conversation with Delia, Sam would need to set it up with her first so that she would not be taken by surprise, and thus likely take her frustration out on you.

What To Do

This is an influence situation. Because Sam is telling you to do something (give feedback to Maggie) and you have little real feedback to pass on to her, you need to influence Sam to get the two of you out of the middle of this.

Start by reiterating the problem so that the two of you can get common ground affirmed. When influencing, it's wise to start with common ground... something the other person can say "yes" to. That then sets you on a path of getting a "yes" to what you're suggesting. Here's how a meeting with Sam might go.

"Hi Sam. I wanted to talk through the approach with the Maggie/Delia situation. Got a few minutes?" (When Sam agrees, you've got your first "yes.")  

"Both of us agree that Maggie's presentation was spot on. But the problem is that Delia didn't, and now you'd like me to give feedback to Maggie." (Sam then says "yes" again. That brings you to two and that's enough.)   

Now, make your influence pitch, explaining from a logical perspective just why you are proposing another approach.

"So given that I wasn't in the meeting to hear Delia's comments, and that neither of us knows just exactly what Delia didn't like, giving feedback to Maggie about changing her tone will very likely leave her wondering about the specifics. She'll then ask me and I won't have them. And she probably would want to ask you, and you won't have them either. That leaves her without any real information, and that won't be helpful to her."

"Another concern is that Maggie's boss might think we're taking over managing her and that could be a problem for us, too. And I'm assuming neither of us wants Maggie's boss upset with us over this. And he could be, once we get in the middle of it all."

Your proposal, with two choices. In situations when you want to sway your boss, it's useful to give two good choices so that s/he still feels included in the process. 

"So, I have two suggestion about what we could do. The first is that I talk with Maggie, and pass on what I heard from you, but not as feedback. Instead it'll be an FYI... something like, 'Sam mentioned that Delia had some concerns about your tone in your presentation. He doesn't know any specifics, but just thought you might want to know, especially because your Internal Client X was also in that meeting.' That then leaves Maggie in charge of finding out the specifics from Delia." 

"The second is that you pass on the info to Maggie's boss, again as an FYI, and at the same time tell him that you and I both thought Maggie's presentation was spot on. He then can take it up with Maggie and they can troubleshoot together what to do."

"Either of these will take us both out of the middle. Which one do you prefer?"

You've now presented two viable options, and given Sam a choice.

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(C) 2009 Denise Brouillette, San Francisco, CA. All Rights Reserved.

Denise Brouillette is the president of The Innovative Edge LLC and The Women's Edge in Leading.